For most of my life I have been someone who loves being involved in things. It doesn’t really matter what the thing is, if something fun or interesting or exciting is going on, I kind of want to be there. I’ve gone through phases where this is less true, but for the most part, it’s basically who I am.
So it may come as no surprise that I tend to keep a pretty full calendar. This can be a challenge to manage, and also a challenge for everyone who has to help me manage it, namely my husband and my mom. There is always a dinner, a Mom’s Night Out, a coffee date, a wedding shower, etc – it can be kind of stressful to try and fit it all in.
The seasons of my life dictate where most of my time is spent – a couple of years ago I spent the majority of my free time at playdates with Grayson and his little friends. Now most of my time is split between my friends and family, MOPS and church, and working on Haven Gray Kids. Every day I wake up with a to-do list a mile long, and every night I fall into bed feeling like I accomplished not a whole lot and apprehensive about the fact that I most likely won’t get much more done the next day. Even though everything I’m doing is fun, exciting, meaningful, whatever that particular thing may be, I’ve realized recently that I am completely and totally overwhelmed.
I started praying that I would know if I’m doing the right things in my life, the things that God has for me, because honestly, what’s the point if I’m not following the path He’s laid out for me? I know this feeling of being overwhelmed 24/7 cannot be good for me, so I know I’m going to have to let some things go. And the awful part is, there’s nothing bad to let go of – honestly, nothing really even mediocre. I love everything that I’m a part of, and I don’t want to give up any of it. But I feel like in order to be the best mommy, wife, daughter, friend, and entrepreneur that I can be, it’s necessary.
I’ve wrestled here for awhile now, feeling like I knew the answer and then convincing myself I can still do it all, that it’s fine and I just need to get more organized and then it will be ok. But after praying specifically about what I need to do in a few situations, I know the answer is to let it go. Let go of these good things – maybe so that there is room for better things to come along. As long as I’m living in this place of constant overwhelm, there’s not an inch of space for anything new to come in. And I’m almost positive there are some really great new things on their way.
So I’ll let go of these good, great, wonderful things, and step out in faith that this is what is best. I’ll trust that God has heard my prayers and that He will show me my path – my next right step, as a sweet friend of mine says she always prays. So I’m moving forward, letting go of what feels right, as hard as it may be, and focusing on the hope of what’s to come.